his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
