Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
