saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
