HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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