He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
