Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
