if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
