Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
