I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't put those talents on a resume
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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