White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
