I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
