Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
