Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
