After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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