I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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