At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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