You made me cry and you don't even care
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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