i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
