you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
