she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize