Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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