Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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