i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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