i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
