Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
