just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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