Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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