and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
