we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
