So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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