Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
