I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
