Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
