I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I met the friendliest cop last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
