You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
