Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
