Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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