Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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