just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
