question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
