you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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