your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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