My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
