A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
