Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im six kinds of drunk right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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