he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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