maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
