So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
