She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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