Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
