it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
