please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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