I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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