I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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