Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
