i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
