We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
