when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am puke
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
