I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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