the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
