I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
