home. puking in laundry basket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
