the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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