I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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