I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
