It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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