Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
