This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
barbara walters just said penis...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
