I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
