I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
