508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
