So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
