If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
