There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
