so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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