i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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